The first time you leave your child with someone new can bring a lump to your throat. Your little one may cling to your leg, cry at the door or ask again and again when you will be back. These feelings are normal, and they can be eased with the right steps. Whether you book a nanny per hour for a few errands or a regular babysitter for weekly evenings out, a little planning helps your child feel safe, settled and even excited about the time ahead.

What Is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a normal stage of child development. It shows that your child has formed a strong, healthy bond with you. When you leave, they worry because they do not yet fully understand that you will come back.

When It Usually Appears

Most children show signs of separation anxiety between eight months and three years old. It often peaks around eighteen months. Some children breeze through this stage, while others feel it more strongly. Changes such as a new sibling, moving house or starting nursery can bring it back for a while.

Common Signs

• Crying or clinging when a parent gets ready to leave
• Refusing to go to a new person
• Waking more often at night
• Asking repeatedly where a parent is
• Tummy aches or upset before a parent goes out

These signs are not a sign that something is wrong. They are a sign your child needs a little extra support to feel secure.

Why a Gentle Start Matters

First experiences shape how a child feels about future ones. A calm, positive first visit with a new carer builds trust. A rushed or stressful one can make the next goodbye harder. Taking time at the start is an investment that pays off for months.

Before the First Visit

Preparation begins before the carer even walks through the door.

Talk About It Early

For toddlers and older children, mention the visit a day or two before. Keep your tone light and positive. You might say, "Tomorrow, a kind friend is coming to play with you while Mummy goes to the doctor."

Show a Photo

If you can, show your child a photo of the carer. A familiar face feels less scary on the day.

Read Stories About Goodbyes

Picture books about parents leaving and coming back help children understand the pattern. Reading them together opens up gentle conversations.

Choose the Right Person

A calm, warm carer makes all the difference. When choosing a babysitter, ask how they help shy or anxious children settle. Listen for answers that show patience and a gentle approach.

On the Day: Making the Handover Easy

The few minutes before you leave matter a lot.

Arrive Early, Leave Calm

Ask the carer to arrive fifteen to twenty minutes before you need to go. Spend that time playing together on the floor. Your child will watch how relaxed you are and follow your lead.

Start With a Favourite Activity

Have the carer begin with something your child loves, such as blocks, play dough or a favourite book. A fun start shifts attention away from the goodbye.

Keep the Goodbye Short

Long goodbyes often make things harder. Give a hug and a kiss, say clearly when you will return, and leave with a smile. Try a simple phrase you use every time, such as "I'll be back after your snack."

Never Sneak Out

It can be tempting to slip away while your child is distracted. However, sneaking out can damage trust and make children more watchful next time. A short, honest goodbye is always better.

Trust the Carer

Most children stop crying within a few minutes of a parent leaving. A good carer knows how to comfort and distract. Ask them to send a quick message once your child has settled.

While You Are Away

Your child's comfort continues after you leave.

Keep the Routine

Children feel safe when familiar routines continue. Share your child's usual times for snacks, naps and play so the carer can follow them.

Use Comfort Objects

A favourite blanket, soft toy or even a T-shirt that smells like you can help a young child feel calm.

Talk About You Positively

A good carer may mention you in a warm way, such as "Mummy will love to see your painting when she gets home." This keeps the connection alive without causing worry.

When You Come Home

The reunion is part of the lesson too.

Keep Your Promise

Return when you said you would. Being on time shows your child that goodbyes are always followed by hellos.

Celebrate the Time Apart

Ask your child what they did, look at their drawings and praise them for being brave. Positive memories make the next visit easier.

Ask the Carer for Feedback

A quick chat with the carer helps you understand how your child coped. Note what worked and what you might change next time.

Building Comfort Over Time

Separation anxiety usually fades with repeated, positive experiences.

Book the Same Person

Children feel more relaxed with a familiar face. If you use a nanny per hour, try to book the same carer each time so your child builds a real bond.

Start Small

Begin with short bookings of one or two hours. As your child grows more comfortable, you can gradually extend the time.

Stay Consistent

Regular bookings, such as the same afternoon each week, create a predictable pattern. Children love knowing what to expect.

Questions to Ask Before You Book

A few simple questions help you find someone who understands anxious little ones. Before you confirm a babysitter, ask:

• How do you comfort a child who is crying for a parent?
• What games or activities do you use to help a shy child warm up?
• How will you let me know once my child has settled?
• What would you do if my child stayed upset for a long time?

The same questions work when you hire a nanny per hour for daytime help. Look for calm, kind answers that put your child's feelings first.

Tips for Different Ages

Babies Under One Year

Babies mostly need warm, responsive care. Share how your baby likes to be held, fed and soothed. A carer who follows your methods helps your baby feel secure.

Toddlers

Toddlers have big feelings and few words. Simple explanations, consistent goodbyes and lots of play help them cope.

Preschoolers

Older children can understand time better. Use simple markers, such as "after lunch" or "before bath time," to explain when you will return.

When to Seek Extra Support

Most separation anxiety is mild and passes with time. However, speak to your paediatrician if your child:

• Becomes very upset for long periods after you leave
• Shows strong fears that affect sleep or eating for weeks
• Struggles to separate even as they get older
• Shows sudden changes in behaviour

Early support can help children feel more secure.

Looking After Your Own Feelings

Parents feel separation too. It is natural to feel worried or even guilty the first few times. Remind yourself that short breaks are healthy for both of you. Your child is learning that loving adults come and go safely, and you are taking care of your own needs.

Final Thoughts

Helping your child cope with goodbyes is one of the gentle lessons of early parenting. With early preparation, short and loving handovers and a consistent carer, most children quickly learn that time apart can be fun and safe. Whether you rely on a nanny per hour for busy days or a trusted babysitter for regular evenings, patience and routine will turn tearful goodbyes into happy waves at the door.